Sunday, October 6, 2013

Maternity Jean is Not My Lover...
I had my first full-on, pre-natal, emotional breakdown today in a dressing room at Old Navy. I've been searching high and low for weeks for a pair of jeans that gracefully fit my plus-size and pregnant body, and I've come up short every time. In the weeks prior, it wasn't that big of a deal, because I still had my one pair at home that fit. But seemingly overnight my size 18 Target Merona Bootcut - my old faithful - are too tight. Even though I haven't gained an ounce over the last seventeen and a half weeks, the baby has (thank goodness) and my abdomen is beginning to protrude (again, thank goodness). The trouble is, I seem to be in between an 18 and a 20, and the maternity section at Target and Old Navy only goes up to 18. I know what you're thinking: "News flash, Taylor, there are other places to shop in the world besides Target and Old Navy", to wish I politely reply: "Not in my tax bracket". As a rule, I have a hard time spending more than thirty bucks on any one piece of clothing. And the fact that my maternity wear will be useless in six months makes my thirty dollar rule even more valid.
Is it be too much to ask to find these in the plus-size section - ooh, and ankle length, please.
The real issue here is that I screwed up. I should have thought ahead a year ago when I was living on caramel lattes and coffee cake. I should have imagined the day that I'd be shopping for maternity clothes and realized that I would not want to do so as a size 20. As I huffed and puffed trying to squeeze my meaty thighs into dark washed, panel jeans - breaking a mean sweat all the while - I couldn't stop the inner bitch inside me from scolding me for being such a fuck up. That's the narrative she barks every time: "You fucked up." Harsh, I know. See why I call her a bitch?
Three hours and one tearful therapy session with my husband later I can calmly declare that I'm fine. What's done is done. I can't undo the years of overeating and under-exercising. All I can do is breath deep, do right and stock up on yoga pants.


  1. Boy have things changed. Way back in the day, women would wear Maternity Dresses that looked like MooMoo's and or very large Maternity Tops with a skirt or pants. I am so happy your loving husband was there to comfort you. He will help you keep your sanity and the two of you can look back and laugh about this one day.

  2. I am so proud of you and that you have managed to not put any weight on so far...That is what you should celebrate and that you have a beautiful little baby growing in your belly made from love...Keep your eyes on that prize....Love, Mom